Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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