Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
