I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
