Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
