listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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