Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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