I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
