if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
