Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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