Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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