I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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