omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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