you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
