i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
