I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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