you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
