I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize