Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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