No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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