I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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