'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize