so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
