Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
