i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
