You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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