I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
