hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
