Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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