we're chasing vodka with high fives
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
