3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
