Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
