he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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