he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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