Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
