do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
