I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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