he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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