I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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