I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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