We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
