I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
