I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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