Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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