That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
