You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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