I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want her autograph on my taint
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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