I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
