Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
