i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
