no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
