he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
