Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
