Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
