could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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