i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
handjob tips. give me some.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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