as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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