So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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