So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
