Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I pour the whiskey from now on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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