wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
40s are totally the cure
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
