My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
