I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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