I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
