i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
