Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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