How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize