So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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