I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
