I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
