Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
