yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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