Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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