He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
