dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
