Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
