Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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