im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
