Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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