It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
