Screwed.edu
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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