Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize