Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize