Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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