I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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