apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
