She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize