I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
